Anne

      This afternoon I met a number of the neighbors out soaking up the sun. The trees scent the air with something close to musk and cinnamon.  I love that scent!  It’s my favorite scent.  I’m positive that Heaven smells like that. 

     Not above sixty-five degrees today, the sky was a perfect blue, and for once we had no rain!  Neighborhood cats like to think they are Farrell, just for the sake of preserving a mob-façade; but they are all very friendly.  Today they lounged on their hot spots on the sidewalk, perfect lumps of leisure.  A cat bird cocked one calculating eye at me as I walked past him.  Woodpeckers’ drilling throbbed from the woods in back of the townhouses.  Our neighbor Joseph also sprawled out in his lawn chair in the sun most of the day—he works at Red Lobster—and waved as I walked past on the other side.  He has really been a very kind neighbor through this whole ordeal with Mom and my hospital visits.  Perfectly frantic when the ambulance came for Mom, he was crying when he found out I had also been to the hospital, and begged us to call him and tell him what was going on, even at 2:00 in the morning.

     With my limited strength I’ve been working occasionally at cleaning and cooking.  The past month found me completely disabled for a while with severe seizure-migraines (as my doctor called it), which left me unable to walk for a day without help.  I have had periods where it was difficult for me to swallow anything, and breath, and inside my head it felt like I was living in a metal tube.  But praise the Lord! The past two days I’ve been feeling a little more normal and am slowly gaining strength back.  My family, friends and doctor have banned me from the office for now, though, until I get back on my feet. All through the days I was semi-unconscious, Jesus still cradled me in His arms and I didn’t stop praying.  Bible verse after Bible verse flooded my mind every single second of the day, and I always knew He was there with me, even through it all.  What a wonderful Lord we have!  I also very tenderly felt the love and prayers of my brothers and sisters in Jesus.  How beautiful it is to be beloved in the heartbeats of God’s children!

     Last month I wrote about lust, and how it eats at a person like cancer, until there is nothing left of you.  Have you ever wondered what the complete opposite of lust is?  If lust decimates, what explodes you into life and motion? Sister Rebecca talked about delighting ourselves in the Lord.  I took the opportunity to look up the literal definitions of those words.  Here is what I came up with:

     Desire: In the Scripture, to ask in simple faith because you want it from your Heavenly Father. To yearn or long for; to crave or hunger for; a deep craving which when fulfilled brings a resounding happiness and joy that is indescribable; a long-standing goal which drives the person until that goal is met.

     Delight: A high degree of pure pleasure and satisfaction; joy; be thrilled by and find as much completion and contentment in as a flower does the sun.

     With these things in mind, how beautiful is it then, to delight ourselves in the Lord, and to desire Him? Let’s turn it around for a moment.  Did you know He desires you in this way?  He craves your friendship.  He longs for your trust.  He delights in your sweet, private conversations.  He finds utmost joy in the special moment when you can just sit down with Him, like a Father and son, and say, “Can I just talk to you a minute?” and He says, “Any time! I’ve been waiting for you to ask.”

     All through my sick days, that’s what I’ve been doing, and it is so beautiful!! Can I share a few things that Jesus has been teaching me in the moments I could not speak to anyone and no one could even tell if I could understand what they were saying? First, the Holy Spirit took me on His “knee” and said, “Let’s talk about a few things.  I’m going to make sure you’re all clear, and that you don’t have any more sins hidden down inside.  Have you repented of it all? Excellent! Now it’s time for some lessons.  What would you like Me to teach you?” So in a simple, candid way, with absolutely no fear, I just replied, “Lord Jesus, I don’t love You big enough.  Just how do I go about loving You better?”

     Here is how He answered me:

Do I delight myself in the right things?  (Philippians 4)

Do I love Jesus with my whole heart, soul, strength and mind (Matthew 22.37; Psalm 37:4)? 

Do I crave the Word of God above everything else in life and want only to do the things written inside it (Psalm 1; 37:4; 7:22; Psalm 40:8)?

Do I believe that every single Word of it is so inspired that it can tell me exactly what I need to know for every decision I need to make (Hebrews 4:12; John 1; Proverbs 30:5,6; Psalm 19)?

Do I choose to receive His perfect love which casts out the fear that drives me away from Him (1 John 4; Psalm 27), because then I can come boldly before His throne (Hebrews 4:16)?

Am I walking in complete obedience to Him, not saying I love Him and trying to hide something else from Him instead?  Have I allowed Him to burn up all the bad things inside me, even when they hurt (Psalm 51:16; 19:10; Hebrews 12)?

Have I chosen to love Him and follow His course for me no matter how hard it looks; simply because I know it is the only way to everlasting life, and He will give me grace for every step of the way (John 14:6; Psalm 16:11; James 4:6; Psalm 23; 2 Thessalonians 2:15-17; James 1; Revelation 5)?

     He did give me a warning as well.  Although the Lord delights in those who are just (Micah 6:8) and who “deal truly” (Proverbs 12:22); and although He gives to every one of His creatures what they need (Psalm 145:16), His wrath is unquenchable.  He hates sin.  The results of the lives of the righteous and wicked are very opposite (Proverbs 11:23); and the prosperity wicked people desire will never be (Psalm 112:10).  This is because God cannot tolerate them—His mercy in saving the sinner is the only thing that keeps Him from judging the wicked world on the spot, and anyone who has known Him who chooses instead to turn to their own ways will be counted as a son of perdition (2 Thessalonians 2:3; John 17; 1 Corinthians 9; Mark 4:19).  At the end, even the loved ones who turned away from God whom He judges we will not regret, because Jesus will wipe away our tears first, and then His judgment of them will be so complete that all we are able to do is say, “Glory be to God who is most holy!” (Revelation 8)

     The Lord’s final challenge to me was this: am I willing to lay down my life for love of others as He has laid down His life for me? (John 15)

     Asking for these things in a simple, child-like way of our Heavenly Father, we long for Him with a burning passion like a husband and wife do for each other, or a baby does for his mother’s milk. This is the literal meaning of hungering and thirsting for righteousness (Matthew 5:6). The Lord loves it when we do this, and enjoys fulfilling our desires!

Psalm 145.16—The Lord satisfies the desires of every living thing

Haggai 2.7—The Desire of all the nations is Jesus

Psalm 21—The Lord loves to chasten His children so He can give them their hearts’ deepest desires

Matthew 13.17—The prophets desired to see what we have but could not

Acts 13.7—The people desired to hear the Word of God

1 Peter 2.2—Desire the sincere milk of the Word

2 Corinthians 5.2—We should desire to be clothed in righteousness

Ephesians 3.13—The apostle desired that we faint not

Colossians 1.19—We should desire to be filled

Mark 9.35—If any man desire to be first, he must be a servant

1 Timothy 3—Everyone should desire this good work and produce these fruits

Hebrews 11.16; 13:14—We should also desire a “better country,” like those who pressed on in faith

     May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you every day! You are in my prayers. 

Sincerely, Anne