Anne

     Okay.  So I was born in 1992.  I should logically be part of the computer-texting-buildyourownfranchise-age of America's receeded Recession...Actually the Recession never receeded.  Try visiting Tennessee or other places like that.  So really, all America has accomplished in this 5th Demention Age of Aquarius is to create a society who walk around popping drugs like candy and carrying their brains on their i-Pads.  America is just going to Third World Country status (otherwise known as the Socialist Takeover, otherwise known as...well, for more information, you can email me at the contact info box).

     Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes.  I should have been one of them.  But I'm not.  As it turns out, I don't go for texting.  Do u? 2 some ppl itz gr8 bt itz ttl kaos 2 me.

     Like using a computer.  That's why my pet monkey at the top of the page.  His name is  Professor Skeezix, and he's the reason I have almsot no typos on the inside of my books! (Did you notice the typo?) 

     I gotta tell you this first off: write what you know.  Being a kind of shy person when you first meet me, I always keep a sharp eye out for things I can put in my books.  I always end up using the people I meet, the places I've been, the food I've eaten, the colors I've seen, the smells I've smelled--everything--in my books.  Find all kinds of words to describe them.  Be original! That's all you can be.  Okay, so yeah, I wrote two Mennonite Mystery books, just like Beverly Lewis...but you would absolutely not think of Beverly Lewis as soon as you opened it.  It's nothing like hers.  It's mine.  They're Mystery Biography books.  That means they're eerily true.

     Let yourself shock people with your ideas.  It's actually a lot of fun.  I do it all the time.  They take you as sort of a sedate, proper person, and then you pop out with something that shocks their socks off.  They stare at you for a full five minutes and then burst out laughing, or you burst out laughing because you fooled them.  Either way, you won.

     Anyway, now that I got that out of my system, I can tell you about myself...but do you really want to know? That's the question.  Most people find my life really interesting.  They laugh until their sides ache, and tell me I should write my life into a screen play.

     They love some of the 100% true moments that are totally insane.  Like when I tell them about the time I pulled the Purple Flash.  I was talking to a bunch of young people who never watched TV in their lives but were part of a very mystical cult.  The poor kids had no brains to even state opinions of their own, let alone think anything through, because their Bishop always dictated everything to them. Now, generally I enjoy people, and I love to help anyone out that I can.  But when everyone you meet is the spirit and image of the next person, you get to singing that old song, "They're coming to take me away, ha-ha..."  I confess.  I gave way to a weak moment and in a very serious tone, informed them, "Oh, you don't need to do anything special to make a difference in the world.  All you need to do is have the Purple Flash."  They stared at me.  "The Purple what?"  "The Purple Flash," I replied solemnly.  "You know the church that the preacher went into trances, don't you?" "Yes?" "Well, the most meaningful thing you can possibly do is have a Purple Flash."  Suddenly I looked spaced out and stared off into the distance and repeated, "A...a purple flash.  Yes. Aye, 'tis a bonny bricght nicght to-nicght; very bricght and very moon-licght." (something I borrowed from the old classic Danny Kaye comedy movie).  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     Of course, I have to tell you about the time I was still in school.  My mom homeschooled me all the way through high school, even with her chronic illness.  She's definately a courageous lady.  One day she was sick in bed and I was helping my sister do her homeschool assignment at the kitchen table.  The curtains were pulled aside so we could have some natural light.  We lived in an old mobile home in the woods at the time, so when the man drove up to our window to spy on us with pink binoculars we felt a bit creeped out.  My little sister crept over to the other window and stood inside the sill, then she carefully aimed every member of her entire rock collection at him through the hole in the screen. He couldn't figure out where the "bullets" were coming from at first, but he quickly got out of our driveway before we had to call the police.  Did I mention to you that that is just California?

     My life...Do you really want to know??? You got a big risk to take if you do.